The One Thing I Stopped Doing That Improved My Marriage

one thing i stopped doing that improved my marriage

Kurt and I will be married 10 years next week and naturally, I’ve been reflecting on our life together. It seems surreal that we’ve been married for a decade. There’s been ups and downs, highs and lows but most of all, its been fun all the way and the fact that I still feel this way is the best!

I’m sure most married people get irritated with their partners every now and again. It’s completely normal to have disagreements. Kurt and I irritate each other quite often and sometimes something that may seem minor afterwards would usually get to me so badly.

one thing i stopped doing that improved my marriage

But I think over time we figured out how to work things out without a constant battle.

In fact, there is one thing that I’ve stopped doing that has made the biggest difference in our marriage.

one thing i stopped doing that improved my marriage

I realised that I will never be able to change his behaviour! And I stopped thinking that I could. BUT – I could only change my own.

For years, we probably both made the common mistakes of always wanting to be right and waiting for the other person to change.

But it wasn’t a matter of right and wrong.

We are simply just two very different human beings, with different inclinations – just like you and your partner. But I’ve learned that our differences can actually make us a stronger team – 10 years and beyond.

So when a disagreement flares up, I try to think before I say anything or just keep quiet until I am ready to say something that will actually help the cause.

one thing i stopped doing that improved my marriage

I think that in order for any relationship to work out, both parties have to be willing to work on it and to COMPROMISE.  Sometimes one person might need to make the first move and convince the other one to do the same.

But – at the end of the day,  it takes two to tango!

one thing i stopped doing that improved my marriage

P.S reading Gary Champman’s The Five Love Languages (I shared a bit about it here) has really helped me to understand Kurt better and what’s important to him!

These are the 5 love languages according to Chapman:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Acts of service
  3. Touch
  4. Quality time
  5. Gifts

Do you know what’s your Love Language?




  1. Carly October 11, 2018

    AWesome loved this its not always easy being married but oh so worth it .

    • Hayley October 13, 2018

      Thank you Carly. That is so true!

  2. Ashley October 11, 2018

    We had our ten years in January so only beat you by a few months. We are still learning things too.

    • Hayley October 13, 2018

      Congratulations on your ten years Ashley! That’s good to hear. I think we have to continue learning about our partners, it’s definitely an ongoing thing.

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